Christmas Eve Joy

I just got an email from someone who read my blog. I'm sure they are worried about me. I wonder how many others have read it, that choose to not tell me? It is OK, I didn't write it for responses. I would be embarrassed if the world suddenly arrived on my doorstep to comfort me. I have to face the fact that the public, known and unknown, can read what I write on this not-so-private blog.

I carry myself through life with a smile and a lot of activities. I am sure no one looking can see that I have a dysfunctional family. I don't really talk about my children. What would I possibly say?

I am aware that I am not unhappy each hour of every day. I spend a lot time very satisfied with my life. My husband and I hike nearby trails with our dog, (see picture we took on our last hike), eat lunch at the new Chinese restaurant in town and visit friends often. I keep busy with my garden and planning new craft projects. I clip interesting magazine articles to examine later and surf the web and visit friends on Facebook.

I was just very aware that I was in a real funk the other day. I was compelled to share my funk on my blog. As a volunteer in Hospice, as a Long-Term-Care Ombudsman and tutoring foreign students, I know that it is important to share. It is important to reach out to find hope and it is important to check out ourself to see that we remain as healthy as we can both mentally and physically. It helps others that we are not perfect. It is hard to share our problems with someone who appears to have no problems of their own. I made myself vulnerable writing my blog the other day. It is a step making sure I keep my humanity and probably my humility.

So, to my world of blog readers, never fear. I am doing pretty good. I made 4 different cookies yesterday. I cleaned the refridgerator today and I plan to spend Christmas Eve with my husband enjoying a fire and knowing I have many blessings. My whole world cannot revolve around children who could care less. It is a sad reality that brings me to my knees at times, but it does not keep me from enjoying the good things I have in life.

• I have a good husband who happens to be able to fix most anything!


• I have a dog that might be bossy but she loves me well


• I live in the most beautiful area of the United States


• I never go without food or shelter


• I am warm and toasty in my bed at night


• I have good friends


• I have family that loves me


• I have a large garden that keeps me in wonder while keeping me busy


• Our vehicles are running well and have decent gas milage.

What more can I really want? So, I have a couple kids who I would like to love me better, but I cannot control everything and I cannot have everything. Life is not always fair.

Christmas Eve will be tonight. It is time for cheer. I can feel it. I hope that all of you have the same. Let's count what is good and not dwell too much on what is bad. Know it is there. Recognize what it is. Do what you can to make it better, but dwelling on it too much just spoils your opportunity to feel the joy that certainly is out there for us all.

Happy Holidays to you and your families!