An Aha Moment from Oprah

It is now 1 week, plus since my knee hasn't worked well. I went to Medford, Oregon to an Orthopedic doctor on Friday with my nurse-practioner friend, Catherine. We got the examination, questions, x-rays and MRI leaving without any real answers to what happened to that poor knee. The x-ray only showed that I have minimal arthritis in my knee; which I consider very good news for a woman of my advanced age of 70! The whole story is now left up to the MRI; which is taking 5 working days to be read and then the information passed onto me. I expect to hear by the end of the week my summer-time fate.

Will I be back in the garden enjoying my passion without much of a hiccup, or will I be carefully walking about careful not to bend, squat or any other position making it possible to actually get my hands into the earth? I may even be facing surgery of some kind.

Needless to say, just sitting days upon days has relieved my knee of most of the pain. I can still feel it especially if I get off center and find my foot not facing forward at all times. I almost stepped on the cat yesterday causing me to lurch a bit reminding me that, yes, I have a problem. So, no squatting in the garden just yet.

I watched the Oprah OWN Channel when she was talking about what she personally believed on her Master Class program. I found the idea that we can surrender ourselves to a higher being finding that once that surrender is sincere, life often finds the answers to any problems we think we may be having or issues that seem to have no answers will become clear to us.

One of my strongest traits is my bull-dog efforts to make things right or to solve a problem. I can use energy that most people find unbelievable to make senseless into reason or wrong into right. I don't accept gracefully that life is not always fair. I thought that I have been rewarded in my life for being a bull-dog; but now I'm thinking that it hasn't been an actual reward but just admiration from a few for my determination as foolish as it can often be. You can't say I don't try, but Oprah has hit me aside the head reminding me to examine if that determination is just a bratty child stamping her feet in protest or a real effort to change the situation

In the example of my knee, I decided since I am booked for a cruise in early September, I need to do the right thing first and then spend time getting well. I wasn't willing to spend a month waiting to see if my knee would heal itself on its own only to find out I needed surgery for any real healing. In the case of personal situations where I am butting heads trying to get someone to listen, to hear my pleas and to understand me; I think Oprah is right. I need to let the issue go once I see the efforts made have not made a dent in anyone else's state of mind. I need to surrender. OMG, that is a difficult task for me!

In my efforts to make life more fair, I have not waited for any God to solve my earth-bound problems. I have believed God was way to busy. I have held the belief that rewards from God are rare and that it is up to man to make his life both better and/or worse. I still am not a religious woman. I do believe in a God or an energy of sorts. I will now make an effort to surrender to that energy. I cannot always succeed in being the master of my fate. As Oprah would say, it was an aha moment.

For the last five years I have been running into a wall trying to make a bad thing good. Five years is long enough to know what I am doing is not working. Along with my knee, I will surrender the problem to the universe. Maybe I will be hugging loved ones that have found me flawed. If I surrender I might find a blanket of comfort warming me instead of the cold prickly unknown hovering over my life.

I can give up trying to convince others that they need to understand what I am saying. I protest too much making me unloved and maybe not so good. The fact is that no one that matters when it comes to my problem is listening to me. I get support from my husband and my friends who love me unconditionally. Those that do not value the unconditional part of love, have cast me aside as bothersome, manipulative and not worth much. It so happens those who cast me aside are very important to me. I believe I need them in my life. I will stop trying to make it happen. I surrender. Maybe the answer is that I don't need them as much as I thought. Maybe it will be that without me harping at them, they will miss me and remember how special I was. If I surrender, the future is unknown; which is something I don't do well with. That could be the lesson learned to let that certainity not be needed. Hmm...now to get the surrender going. I imagine, like Oprah, I will have to remind myself often and long asking my form of God to take charge instead of me. All my efforts have been useless. It is time for another method. Thank you Oprah for the heads up!